It’s been awhile since I’ve been back at the blog. Mostly this is life getting in the way. A lot of it is family commitments and neighborhood engagements. But I can honestly say, some of this is just the detours and off road adventures of life.
Detours
Since my previous post on this blog a year ago, I’ve lost my job. My job career is my identity. Being an urban planner is so fundamental to who I am, that not being an urban planner is bewildering. And so the question that I’ve been asking myself over the past year is, what does it mean to be an urban planner when someone else isn’t paying you? Is my expertise relevant or appreciated? Do I still have credibility?
These are uncomfortable questions with uncomfortable answers. The truth is, I don’t always know. I have self doubt. I struggle. But here is where I’m at today.
After losing my job last year (the second job loss in three years) I automatically became a stay-at-home dad (SAHD from here on out) first and unemployed second. This has a number of interesting challenges…and benefits. First, resume buffing, networking and job searching occurred in the five hour span when the kids were in school. Afternoons are spent retrieving kids, doing homework and making dinner. After my wife gets home and the kids are in bed, I’m frankly too tired to do anything else.
Second, a couple of things happened that I wasn’t expecting with this unemployment term. Turns out that when I’m at home maintaining the domestic situation, my wife’s career tends to thrive, as she can better handle the responsibilities of her demanding career with the knowledge that the domestic affairs are being taken care of. During my first unemployment stint in 2016-17, my wife was promoted. Last year, during my second unemployment stint, my wife was promoted again to a senior management position and subsequently was recruited to another firm.
Off Road Adventures
The benefits of my wife’s career has led to changes that were unanticipated. Her new job and its attendant increase in bi-monthly income removed the financial pressures that we had for me to find work. And the stress of my wife taking on a new position with greater responsibility was lessened since I am at home with the kids. Thus, circumstances forced us to consider what being a SAHD looked like long-term.
I’ll be the first to admit that this “problem” has some pretty amazing privileges. As we’ve faced financial difficulties in the past, it’s bewildering that we can now afford for me to stay home. For most people we know, they don’t have this luxury. Most people are not financially comfortable. Hell, we were not financially comfortable until extremely recently.
Back to the career. When I graduated from University of Illinois-Chicago with my graduate degree in urban planning, I could not foresee circumstances that life threw. I had never experienced unemployment and thought, frankly, that my advanced degree provided immunity from such things. I also never anticipated the challenges of raising kids, as the kids came some time after I graduated.
At this juncture in my life, I am committed to raising my kids the best I can. And right now, that means not having a career. But this doesn’t mean not being involved. I still maintain my professional certifications, still attend conferences and still need professional development hours. I still try to maintain my network, even if over lunches while kids are in school. Which means that, while I may not be working, I’m still enhancing my knowledge base and gathering skills that will help me in my future career endeavors.
The detour and off road adventure is unexpected. Life has a way of throwing curve balls. I’ll still struggle with my identity at times, but I think it helps to know that I’m not just an urban planner. I’m a husband, a dad, a community leader. I can be different things at different times, and sometimes multiple things at once. Mostly, I need to have the confidence that no one can take this away from me.
